why does love hurt?
I cannot wonder but see it type out mundane details of an indifferent doing. See it sort out its wet hair, trying so hard to dry it up. As if if she could just tie it up, it will just dissolve all her pains.

Vacuous smiles,
in lil moments,
flash the inanity of her,
Of her half presence in lives,
unknown, known,

and some besieged
..and yet unknown.

Table sea green.You inspired this.

A rounded being
of colours immune.
Lived whole.

Of uneasy beginnings.
So much like me, everyone of us..with an unknown future,
but a definite death.

Sprouts of hope,
of desire,
longings and dreams,

I remember the beginning.

The discomfort,
The oh-so-obvious discomfort,
The change in me.
The change I saw in so many eyes,
.."What is it that I have become?
What is it that I have begun to want?
I can't understand it. I can't understnad the nature of it. My want."

In unobvious terms. Churning chunks of thoughts. Of the fodder.
Of objects. Round. covered. Draped. Imagined naked-ness of forms.
Of me. How, Why.. and all that was gushing along my way

I was pained.. howled..and laughed...
A wet smile...sponged with tears..brushed with dirt..
It always made itself into a whole.
Always.
More than my painful smearings on its face,
And more than stares, glances and lechers could ever leave it with.

Its desire takes over my thoughts.
and lets me breathe in all of them
The smell. The senses.
Everything re-created.The touch it liked and the brush it avoided.
The life it could hold along with everything.
All that was possible.
And that it dreamt and explored.
The voices it heard.
Had, has, still does and those it beats along to hear.
What does it see?
Me? No, You? Haa.. all that it feels the need to.
Tastes unknown. Forbidden and yet known.
Life. Alive. Known.and yet exploring.

i wonder what to write,
with the feeling of a thousand eyes borinng through me,
so what if its is just one,
even that becomes enough.

A laugh comes to me ,
from me,
and from somewhere else,
at times,
because i am happy.

oh but i feel that somwhere....

Don't know for how long do i intend to be quiet,
every time i wud open the blog page...i wud go away dissappinted.no responses, no comments..well the same is the case with my mail box..no replies.. nothing.. don't know wots been happenin?Rather i do.. just that i havekept quiet for so long now.. that others will take time before they get back to me.well they do have right to do that..

Mean while i have become extremely lazy..laid-back..or rather even from the first day i was. so much so that don't even get in tch with ppl..cut off from most ppl i knew in delhi..